Unofficial Guide On How To Be A Man (nigerian Version)

Last year, a Twitter account (@GSElevator) published a popular article titled “Unofficial Goldman Sachs guide to being a man.” Since then some group of people have  been itching to provide us with a Nigerian version. Here is the Nigerian version of Goldman Sachs guide to being a man, hope you enjoy.

1. No one care if you graduated with a second class upper. The world is only interested in what you can deliver
2. Never look back and regret anything in your life, all of your experiences make up who you are today, if something were different, you might not
   like who are anymore.
3. Always carry cash. A lot of extra cash
4. Get a suit. It does not matter if you look good dressing like Phyno or Wizkid.
5. Your father’s money is not your money.
6. Never stare at another man’s junk at the bathroom
7. If she exposes her body, then it’s okay to look, don’t stare.
8. It’s always cheaper to bribe a policeman. And make sure you let him know it’s a privilege not his right.
9. Approach everything you do in life honestly and with class, integrity and tact and you will always remain swell.
10. You do not have to be comfortable in a public transport. It’s not your parlor for crying out lout
11. People will notice if you use cheap perfume
12. Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night.
13. Do not get a fake accent. Trust us.
    
14. Never date an ex of your friend.
15. Whenever you are unsure of what to wear, just remember “You can be underdressed, but you can never be overdressed”
16. Buy a newspaper every once in a while.
    
17. Open the door for ladies. Where are your manners?
    
18. Facebook is for networking, not your own reality Web series.
19. Always have an active internet subscription.
20. Do not argue with the cashier, always ask for the Manager.
21. Get a signature scent.
22. If you live in Borno, Adamawa or Yobe, then you have a death wish.
23. When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
    
24. If you want a girlfriend, the internet is the last place to look.
25. People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
    
26. When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
27. Always give a tip for services rendered. It will make your life easier.
28. You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
29. Life is too short to cry over spilt milk.
    
30. You are not allowed to date a co-worker. You do not poo where you eat.
    
31. Life is short for you to argue about religion, sport or politics; you have nothing to gain, except enemies.
32. Make sure you savings can last up to three months if you lose your job.
33. Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.
    
34. Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s Aso Rock or on a private plane.
    
35. Do not hang out with criminals; the Nigeria police will not know the difference.
    
36. Get your own damn clipper.
37. Never be friends with a girl you have feelings for. Except you love pain, in which case, you should see a therapist.
38. Learn how to play a musical instrument.
    
39. If you do not have time to read a book, at least read an article online.
    
40. Selfies are for narcissist. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of friends.
41. You should be able to beat up three men who are your size.
42. Always wear a deodorant, it doesn’t matter if you need one or not.
    
43. Learn how to change a baby’s diaper.
44. There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
45. It’s better to watch a paint dry than do watch a Nollywood movie.
46. You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks.
47. Changing any lady’s mind should be a cake walk.
48. Don’t split a check.
49. Whenever you are in doubt, ask Google.
50. Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
    
51. Do not break your words for anything, anything.
52. You should knot your own tie.
53. Be spontaneous.
    
54. You have to be a man, before you can become a gentleman
    
55. Do not let anybody insult your mother and get away with it. Including a soldier.
    
56. Find a girl who is a Chimammanda in the streets and a Maheeda in the bedroom. She exists
57. University girls are just secondary school girls with more time and (sometimes) more money.
58. Never take financial advice from anybody, except its Dangote, Bill Gates or Carlos Slim
59. You are allowed to forget your phone at home; you are not allowed to forget your clean white handkerchief
60. Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
    
61. Just because its free beer, it doesn’t mean you should drink a crate.

To be continued...

its too long i had to cut it. comment in the comment box if you want the concluding part.